some thoughts on Mental Health

Recently, a tragedy occurred in my family.  Death is something we all must accept, but it feels harder when that life wasn't able to be lived to the fullness that it should have been.  In this instance, death is just the recent climax in a story that is as complicated as it is long, and in the interest of protecting my family members I'll be leaving most of the details off.  I will say that poor mental health played a veritable role on more than one level and in more than one character along the way.  It's uncomfortable to think about how things could have been avoided and answer-less for those of us who sat blindly on the sidelines.  Hopefully, in the aftermath, some mysteries will be revealed, but for now we are left to hedge guesses.

Though I do want to say a few things about how 'I think' you can stay mentally healthy.  My observations come largely in light of the recent tragedy but not strictly so.  I'm NOT a mental health expert, so please take these observations for layman suggestions that they are.  I'm also not convinced this is any way a complete list nor was I going for that.  If you have mental health concerns of any kind please seek out a mental health professional.        

1. Share Secrets
Secrets can be fun when it's a surprise birthday party, or a special Christmas gift... but oftentimes they can really weigh a person down.  I really like what the "Post Secret" project purports to do by giving people an outlet to get things of their chest.  Now, this doesn't mean share everything with everyone, healthy boundaries are still a good thing, but find someone who is worth sharing with and do.  Don't carry the weight all on your own.

2. Skip Stigma and Shame
Mental health is still fairly misunderstood even in our modern day.  Seeking help for understanding yourself, figuring out what's off and making good choices should be encouraged not admonished.  As a wise friend of mine once said "Therapy should be for everyone and free".  I have sought out therapy in the past when things were feeling off or I was sorting through difficult situations, and found it to be very helpful.

3.  Let your mind relax.
Throughout my day to day life there are many mini-monoloques of thought going through my mind.  Most of the time there is work to do and I don't get a chance to process those unkempt thoughts.  Meditation, Vegging, Running, Journal-ling and even sometimes games... are all ways to let your mind wind down.  Process what needs to process and feel refreshed so you can move forward.  The hardest part is sometimes giving yourself the freedom to do so... but think would you rather a clear mind or a clean house?  ... and for what it's worth sometimes methodically doing housework can actually be mentally relaxing for me as well.... sometimes.  

There's so many more little things I could say on this soap box of mine...  I still think there is much we don't know about the topic of mental health, and know that many times the answers aren't as clear cut a brief blog post.  I'm not sure I should open this can of worms but I will add that I know of cases where prescription drugs have been a part of that answer and cases where they have been abused, so I think it's a very case by case issue.

In closing, I'd be interested to know your own thoughts on the mental health issue... as I know I left a lot of things out.        

Thankful

As per American tradition I'll be spending today enjoying a good meal, connecting with friends, and hopefully playing a some games.   I might skim the store fliers, but I don't have any big plans to go out shopping tomorrow.  Tony and I plan to attend a local church who is doing an "anti-consumerism" service that peaked our interest.  Hopefully that proves to be a welcome change of pace from the usual hustle of Black Friday shopping.

I meant to post one thing I'm thankful for each day this month, but that sort of got away from me.  Indeed, I have much to be thankful for, but my "leisurely schedule" is not one of them.  

At any rate, here's 30 "things" I'm thankful for, some more tangible than others, for the month of November.

1.  Tony,
2.  and my happy relationship with him
3.  My family's love
4.  and support
5.  My immediate family's health
6.  and well-being
7, 8, and 9.  My cats: Kenya, Sugar and Spice
10.  That I have a good job in this tough economy
11.  That I have a secure place to live
12.  That I can run,
13.  and run far
14.  That I earn enough money to pay my bills
15.  and even a little extra.
16.  That I live in country where people value treating women equally
17.  That I'm healthy
18.  That I have the opportunity to go back to school
19.  and not on my dime.
20.  That I'm capable of handling the coursework.
21. That I already have a degree.
22.  That I have access to clean water,
23.  and plenty of food
24.  That my life has not been disrupted by a natural disaster.
25.  That my Dad can help me with various car issues.
26.  For the internet
27.  For blogs and blog friends
28.  For coffee
29.  For gummy vitamins
30.  and for the many things I've yet to mention

As I was writing this list, I realized that I'm fortunate to even be able to write this list at all.  My heart goes out to those who have dealt with hurricane Sandy, are suffering from terminal illness or won't be able to enjoy a hearty meal.  Their lists might not be so easy to write.  For those in difficult situations this season, I wish them solace wherever they may find it, and to all - I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving!  

On the Move...

In less than two weeks, I will be attempting (hopefully successfully) a move.  At the risk of being melodramatic this is the BIGGEST MOVE of my life!  I've lived at my current place for almost 5 years and it's amazing how much stuff I've managed to accumulate during that time.  Simply. Amazing.  While it remains true that I'm generally capable at life... things like packing, organizing, and minimizing stuff remain somewhat low on the list.  I'm confident I will survive this move, but not sure I can say the same for my furniture.

So far... I've packed 4 boxes... with so many more to come.  Yes, it's a bit on edge timing wise... and well aren't I always it seems.  The truth is we've been busy.  We spent the last weekend in South Dakota visiting friends and it was a truly enjoyed time, I might even say "a needed retreat" of sorts.   I've also been balancing work and school.  I generally enjoy the learning experience, but it takes up a crippling amount of time.  Math is hard, even for us math people.

It's honestly hard for me to know how to spend each day.... I have so many things I enjoy and want to do, and limited amount of energy and time.  I'm thankful I'm privileged enough to get to make such choices, but that doesn't make them always easy.   Lately, school has taken a priority and things like running have sunk a bit on the list.  At other times in my life it's been the precise opposite.   I think it's just an equation of what's best when.  Summer is a good time for running, and now is a good time to focus in on school.  I feel getting this next degree is on a timeline and I don't have the ability to put it off willy nilly, so I better buckle down.  People can and do fail upper level math courses all the time.  I'm currently riding between an A and B, but don't want to get too comfortable.  

Anyway... all that to say, this move has unintentionally snuck up on me and now with a slight break from school (ie thanksgiving)... I will hunkering down to more packing, among the festivities this weekend.  Also, if you are local and would like to lend a hand - I would be forever grateful.  I will also provide you with food.  (email rubyleigh31(at)gmail(dot)com )

Complete Sidenote: I've been getting really into grape tomatoes and hummus, as mentioned here. and this was the cute label on my last buy with Tom, Matt and Otto

Easily amused, I guess.

UPDATE: As of last night I'm up to 10 boxes packed.  This seems like a solid rate of change.

Post Election Recap

This isn't a political blog, and it's not about to become one.  But before we've completely forgot about the election I wanted to take a moment to process my concluding thoughts.

• This is the first year in a long while where I've gotten truly involved with learning about each of the races, the candidates and the issues at stake.  Because of this, I felt confident and reassured about my vote in every case (well except for the long list of judges), but you get the idea.  
• NPR (or MPR) National Public Radio or it's Minnesotan counter part have been a huge resource.  Especially the latter in terms of local races.  Unlike the presidential debate which is largely pageantry,  the local debates hosted by mpr were hugely informative.  While I can't say switched sides, I did in one case soften my view quite remarkably for "the opponent.", I could appreciate their perspective, but in the end regarded it as naive.  
• Big voter turn outs are fun to see in big election year!  Much is made of this in terms of what it means for the results, but to me this is a result in itself.  At the end of the day, I believe this is a right everyone should exercise regardless of their views, and I'm proud that Minnesotans are some of the most 'vote happy' people around. 
• Lastly, minorities in this country are a growing group, a group that is also finding their voice at the polls.  Obama has won in part do to his strong lead among women, Latinos, African Americans and the poor.  Now, more than ever appealing to disenfranchised groups matters.  Going forward, I believe a successful  presidential candidate is going to need to appeal to all people groups.  I can't help but think that's a good thing.    

Okay, and now, I can let you be done with the election craziness.  Promise.  

Saving on: Eating Out

When I first started this blog, I had a goal of eating at a very low cost.  I learned a lot through that extreme measure and challenged myself to do somethings I wouldn't otherwise done.  For instance, I made homemade bread and tortillas.  I realized at the time that cooking from scratch often yielded significant savings.  I also really liked the purity of the idea and wanted to eat as scratch-made as often as possible.  I wanted to save every penny, not just because I'm sort of a miser, but because I enjoyed the game of it.

Enter: Reality

The reality is I'm not a housewife, and I'm not on a that restrictive of a budget.  I need to be modest, but I can afford basic necessities such as food.

Also, if you consider your time as valuable in monetary terms, some scratch made items are not worth the time put it.

One of the down sides to my "commitment" to scratch-made food is that I very rarely had items in the house that were readily cook-able, and it turns out that not every day do I want to spend an hour plus in the kitchen cooking.  Sure, I like cooking and all, but it's not all that I'm responsible for either, and as I mentioned earlier: I'm not a housewife (or a house-girlfriend, or a house anything for that matter).  Anyway, so if I want to eat (which is everyday), but I don't want to put much effort into cooking... Solution: go out to eat! ...err... except for that's basically the most expensive, unhealthy way to eat possible (with a high range of variance).

Basically, despite good intentions, I'm not able to maintain a 'very' cheap food system for very long, so I find myself resorting to 'going out' foods more often than I really need to.  So, I found two things that really help with that.  They aren't novel ideas really, but they work none the less.  

1. Buying 'expensive' food
For example, I decided it was okay to buy already made hummus, and grape tomatoes.  I know these foods don't sound crazy indulgent, but before I thought I 'had to' make hummus from scratch, and only buy grape tomatoes when there was wildly good deal.  I don't though, and having foods I love around has made me more excited to pack lunches.  These foods are actually healthy too and require 'zero' preparation. 

Sunday morning we made breakfast burritos at home, we used good ingredients, like bacon and fresh veggies which are things that I think of as being expensive.  A very rough calculation on ingredient cost suggested it cost about $8.00 for the batch, and safe estimates say we will get at least 4 meals out of this (probably more) for $2.00/person.  When we go out to our favorite breakfast cafe, even with a groupon, it ends up being about $9.50/person.

2. Accepting some processed foods
We've also purchased frozen pizzas.  They are virtually deplorable health wise, but it's well 'easy', and though it's not all that cheap, we've often ordered pizza out when there's "nothing to eat" around here, so the frozen pizza is a lower loss option.  Frozen pizza can easily be purchased for $5.00 or $2.50 per person, and take-out pizza is usually at least $15.00 which is $7.50/person.  Also, as I understand it there are some more favorable health-wise options as well.

Last, we bought a box of breakfast sandwiches  like these ones:

 It was $13.50 for the box of 12, making it one of the most expensive items in my cart and I didn't even have a coupon.   There were cheaper ones at the store, but these seemed slightly healthier (and more edible).  The sandwiches round to $1.13 each, which makes them over a dollar less then their counter part at McDonald's and after a taste test, I can say they were comparable. In this case Jimmy Dean Breakfast Sandwich is a little more healthy than the McD version and has fewer calories as well.

Conclusion
In the first examples, I just need to get over my neurosis of buying mildly expensive food.  For instance... yes I can make decent garlic bread from scratch, but the awesome tasting loaf from target which is $2.00, is hardly a waste of money.  In the last examples, it's a case of the perfect being the enemy of the good.  Also, if I had to locate where food costs add up the most for us - it's very obviously going out to eat.  No question.  So options like frozen pizza and microwave meals make sense (in moderation).  These changes do save me money, but they also add balance.   

At the end of the day - the ideal would be perfectly prepared meals from all-natural, scratch made ingredients all the time.  I can't say I wouldn't want this, but the reality is it takes time.  Time away from other goals and priorities (such as getting another degree, and having a successful career, which are no less important and in some ways more urgent at this juncture in my life).  So I share this because, I imagine I'm not the only one who has to balance a variety of goals in their life, and hope it gives you some food for thought (har har) about where you can make changes to increase balance as well as save money.