Divorce is the end of a marriage. Unlike other relationships I have been in marriage is legal, it is binding and it is meant to be for life. When you get a divorce, there is no way to get around the publicity, the coming to terms with yourself, the and the explanations to others. It's tiresome, to say the least.
The most difficult thing about coming to terms with my divorce, has been coming to terms with my marriage. I've had a hard time placing why I even married the man I did and what exactly was going through my mind at the time. However, I am going to try.
For one, very few people in my world have gotten a divorce. Growing up, it was impressed upon me that divorce was so despicable that it only happened to those who were absolutely rotten or married someone absolutely rotten. I figured since neither my previous husband or me weren't "absolutely rotten" (and we aren't) divorce was a literal impossibility.
Two, I didn't waste any time. Even at the ripe old age of 24 I was the oldest in my relations to be wed (And to my knowledge, a record that has yet to be beat). So at the ripe old age 23, I was worthlessly desperate to get married. This sense of expedience to walk down the aisle failed me in the area of asking reasonable questions, and making sure to take proper steps... and those sorts of healthy things. To add to this point, I will add that I met, got engaged and got married to my husband within the course of less than a year.
As one would imagine, I was still figuring myself out when I got married. Since then, I have changed careers, changed religious philosophies, altered my politics, and a whole lot more. It's fair to say that the person I was three years ago and the person I am today made decisions rather differently.
While divorce is whole cocktail of mixed emotions, I have to say embarrassment is one that I often feel. The main thing that keeps me from getting buried under it, is the realization that it won't due me any good.
If this post reeks of regret, than I should be sure to clarify that I am incredibly pleased with the road my life is on these days. I have many good meals to be eating, and most of all many good people to share them with. Not to mention the irreplaceable feeling of contentment that comes with knowing you are in the right place for today.
I cannot imagine what you are going through but I can tell you that from the outside looking in you don't need to be embarrassed. Shit happens and our lives take us on a journey to get to where we ought to be, it sounds like you are well on your way :) Keep running and writing, maybe even consider planting something this spring, they are all cathartic.
ReplyDeleteI got married the first time at age 25. He was almost 23. We thought we were on the same page, and we both thought each of us was the best we were going to find, for various reasons. That ended up being the poison in our relationship, as we inevitably grew and changed and became more of ourselves as we neared and passed our thirties, and we were no longer on the same page.
ReplyDeleteI met my current husband when we were both 32... and that made all the difference. We're both settled into who we are, and we know what we want out of life.
Divorce was hard, but was a good thing in the long run. Keep your chin up and know that you're able to know when something's not right for you. That's a life skill some people never have.
This is a very well written post on a very tough subject. You sound like you are in a really good place. Go forth and conquer!!
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts and those of my kitties are with you. Be well.
Indeed, going through divorce is a tough phases in one's life. Both parties should try to save the marriage with their best efforts. But if nothing works, then its time to move on.
ReplyDelete---
long island divorce lawyer